Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
