so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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