Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
