21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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