Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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