i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
