oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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