im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
