watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
