He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
