I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
