garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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