haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
