drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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