Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
