You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
