I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
