arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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