Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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