exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
