i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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