You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
