Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
