I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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