Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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