Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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