Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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