He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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