He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
