i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
