my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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