girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
