This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just invented taco cereal.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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