I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
