i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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