Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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