Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to sanitize my soul.
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