At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
