Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
