Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
