No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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