last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
