I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
