Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize