i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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