wakey wakey hands off snakey
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize