you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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