So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
