i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
