I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
