We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
