I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
