You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize