saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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