she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
