Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she told me i tasted like america
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize