do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
