who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize