How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
