careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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