So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
