Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
