you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
