That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
