she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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