All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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