I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
