Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
