I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
