you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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