Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
