if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize